NOTE: The real names have been changed to “Jayla” and “Mark” because they have requested it.
Have you ever thought about your prince charming? Do you dream about someone handsome, sweet, caring and loving as your prince charming like the way I do?
If you do then what would you have done if he turns out to be a narcissist?
Before Jayla met her ex, Mark, she was already a self-harmer but she slowly stopped.
They met through a friend around September 2015 (she was 15 at the time). She was helping Mark date one of her friends that he liked.
One day, she went fun fair with him and their mutual friends. One of their friends kept on flirting with Jayla however, she made sure to keep her distance.
Jayla, now, believes that her ex asked her out of jealousy because, coincidentally, it was on THAT day that he randomly admitted that he liked her and asked her out.
Don’t you find that strange?
A couple of months into their relationship, Jayla started to love him. Suddenly, Mark would comment about her appearance starting by her body hair. That’s red flag No.1. He would tell her to start shaving her arms because the hair bothered him: “I’m not forcing you to do it but it’s just nicer”.
She never wanted to shave therefore refused. She told him hair on arms are normal so after refusing, he left it.
Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it – Helen Keller
After a while, Mark started making a fuss again.
He told Jayla that being hairy is ugly and compared her to other girls.
So not ONLY is he not embracing her natural looks but he’s ALSO making her feel like she’s not good enough.
Jayla was quite shocked since it was the first time someone told her that. The only reason why she agreed to it was to stop hearing him complaining but as soon as she did, that’s when her life took a turn for the worst.
The hair on her stomach and arms were just the beginning. He completely changed her. He would make her dress up more, wear makeup, she was not allowed to plait her hair since he preferred her hair out. She was never allowed to have any bummy days.
While he was creating his own version of a barbie doll, he was destroying her mentally and emotionally. He kept tearing her down bit by bit. Imagine having a boyfriend but can’t be yourself around him…
…Don’t you find it exhausting?
Jayla felt like she wasn’t good looking enough for him or for anybody else. His comments would make her want to self-harm again.
You and I know that every relationship has their ups and downs. It just takes a REAL relationship to get through it right? But with Mark, it was always Jayla’s fault.
He would play the victim every time they argued even if HE was the one that started the arguments.
Their relationship was constantly on and off, usually because he ended up leaving. Mark even broke up with Jayla once because she wore shorts to go swimming and to make her feel bad about it, he’d ignore her for hours.
I wouldn’t be able to handle it, especially since I overthink a lot. Would you?
Mark ignoring Jayla was quite “normal” in their relationship but it got to the point when Mark stopped speaking to her for two whole days! They could’ve went longer if SHE didn’t text HIM.
Jayla always wanted to lose her virginity in a special way like any girl would. On the other hand, Mark didn’t care about her perspective at all. He kept on pressuring the matter by telling her: “It is a process that you just need to get over with. It doesn’t matter if it’s special.”
He would say this until Jayla eventually gave up. She also mentioned having sex with him would hurt because her body wasn’t ready for it.
A year later of a continuous on and off relationship, all the love she felt for him soon turned into hatred and disgust – just like you and I feel right now.
In August 2016, Mark broke up with Jayla because he liked her friend. His comments didn’t stop there.
He would call her all types of names like: bitch, hoe, gorilla and immigrant.
He would prank call her every time. But she knew it was him because she recognised his voice.
Even after all of this traumatising event, instead of pushing Jayla to her breaking point, it made her stronger than ever. She realised that it’s not ok to let a person treat her badly. Her current boyfriend helped her realise her self worth.
Jayla wants to let everyone who is going through the same situation as her to know that when you see the signs of a narcissist (either physically or mentally) or someone who is trying to pressure you into something you don’t want to do, the best thing to do is leave.
Don’t downgrade yourself for anybody even if it’s hard or even if you love them because the more you downgrade yourself, the more they will take advantage of you.
Nobody deserves to be treated that way.
“If I could go back, I would have left him the moment he began to pressure me into doing something I wasn’t really ready to give up.” – J.
Leave a comment to share what you feel about Jayla’s story.